Stop Saying Sorry — Say These Positive Things Instead [VIDEO]

Video Transcript

00:00:00:00 – 00:00:20:05
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Do you find yourself constantly apologizing, even when there’s no apparent reason? Or perhaps, you know, someone who was always unnecessarily apologizing? You don’t have to be sorry. Just don’t do it again. I’m sorry. You don’t want to say that. Oops. I just said I’m sorry.

00:00:26:27 – 00:00:40:15
Speaker 1
Hey there. Welcome back. I’m Alln Stafford, your go-to guy for mastering the art of communication, where I help you elevate your message and amplify your voice. Impress upon.

00:00:40:15 – 00:00:55:25
Speaker 1
In this episode, we’re unraveling the mystery behind a word you’ve definitely said more times than you can count. A word so common, yet so often misused that it’s lost its impact. It’s the simple five letter word. Wait for it.

00:00:55:25 – 00:00:56:19
Speaker 1
Yo, yo, yo, yo.

00:00:58:08 – 00:01:21:01
Speaker 1
You may think saying sorry is simple, but it’s often more complicated. Have you ever said it just to dodge an awkward moment or apologize for being a little late? Or are things beyond your control? It happens a lot. In fact, studies show that on average we say sorry about 8 to 10 times per day. That’s about 3000 times per year.

00:01:21:03 – 00:01:24:01
Speaker 1
Think about it. That’s a lot to be sorry for.

00:01:24:01 – 00:01:48:27
Speaker 1
But before we dive into our sorry discussion on sorry, we didn’t sound right. Before we get into our discussion of why you should not say sorry so often and what to say instead. Make sure you hit that subscribe button and turn on notifications if you have not done so yet. This way you get to stay updated on all of my empowering content.

00:01:48:29 – 00:02:00:01
Speaker 1
Yeah, it’s pretty exciting. Go ahead. I’ll wait to hit that button. I got time.

00:02:00:01 – 00:02:25:15
Speaker 1
All right, folks, let’s dive deeper into what I like to call the sorry. It’s that automatic response you have almost like a well reflex. It’s like a reflex. Situations where you feel discomfort, slight tension, or even nothing at all. But why do we do this? Why do we apologize? Even when there’s no need for it? Well, it’s a cocktail of psychological and social influences.

00:02:25:18 – 00:02:32:00
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Like a cocktail? You’ve got a little split personality in that sip.

00:02:32:00 – 00:03:04:13
Speaker 1
From a psychological standpoint, saying sorry can be a mechanism for conflict avoidance. We’re often programed to perceive tension as a threat and apologizing is like a social lubricant that we believe can minimize friction and maintain harmony. It’s our way of preserving social bonds. Additionally, over apologizing may stem from anxiety, according to research. People with higher levels of anxiety and insecurity often apologize more frequently as they’re more attuned for the thoughts and emotions of others.

00:03:04:15 – 00:03:07:19
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Sometimes even overestimating negative impressions.

00:03:07:19 – 00:03:18:25
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And let’s talk about self-esteem. Those who struggle with low self-esteem often apologize for more than simple mistakes for them. Sorry might be a way of seeking reassurance and validation.

00:03:18:25 – 00:03:35:20
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But here’s the thing Excessive apologizing, while well-intentioned, may dilute the value of our words, making sorry sound insincere when we actually mean it. It’s like the boy who cried wolf. If we say it too often, it loses its impact. Boy, you don’t want that wolf feature.

00:03:35:20 – 00:03:59:22
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The reality is chronic apologies are often perceived in ways that may not reflect their true intentions or capabilities. Excessive apologizing may lead others to view you as submissive or lacking in confidence and assertiveness. You’re seen as someone who easily takes the blame, even when it’s undeserved, and it doesn’t end there. Over apologizing doesn’t just affect how you’re seen.

00:03:59:29 – 00:04:03:12
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It also bears substantial social consequences.

00:04:03:12 – 00:04:19:23
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One major fallout is the dilution of sincerity. If you’re always saying sorry, it becomes your default response. The gravity and sincerity of a genuine apology get watered down, making a heartfelt apology less impactful and sometimes even questionable.

00:04:19:25 – 00:04:36:28
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This habit also has the potential to strain relationships. Be it personal or professional, people may begin to harbor feelings of frustration or even resentment over time. Feeling that over apologizes are not taking responsibility, or they are always blame the victim.

00:04:36:28 – 00:04:51:21
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Transforming. Sorry isn’t about avoiding accountability. It’s about enhancing communication. Instead of leading with an apology, which can be a negative admission, we lead with gratitude or assertiveness, which fosters positivity.

00:04:51:21 – 00:05:09:13
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Now let’s talk about the profound psychological impact the small tweak can have. Positive language reinforces confidence in ourselves and how others feel around us. It shifts the focus from guilt and blame often associated with sorry, the one of appreciation and solution oriented thinking.

00:05:09:15 – 00:05:24:19
Speaker 1
When you replace I’m sorry I’m late with Thank you for waiting for me. You’re not just alleviating the burden of guilt on yourself, but acknowledging the other person’s patients. It validates their kindness, making the interaction more balanced and respectful.

00:05:24:19 – 00:05:54:22
Speaker 1
And here’s a social superpower. This approach changes dynamics. Imagine you’re in a work setting discussing the delayed project. Like that has never happened before. No. And you’re saying I appreciate your understanding as we resolve this instead of repeatedly apologizing. This doesn’t mean you never apologize. That’s right. Oh, no. Genuine apologies are powerful. This is about not diluting that power.

00:05:54:24 – 00:05:59:23
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It’s about ensuring that when you do apologize, it’s meaningful, sincere and warranted.

00:05:59:23 – 00:06:15:25
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The beauty of positive communication lies in its ripple effect. It starts with our words, affects our thoughts, influences our feelings, and finally shapes our reality. And who doesn’t want a reality punctuated with positivity, confidence and meaningful connections?

00:06:15:25 – 00:06:20:23
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So are you ready to transform your sari into strength? Let’s see how we do that next.

00:06:20:23 – 00:06:40:25
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Okay, Scenario one, You’re late. It happens to everyone, with the exception of me. Try expressing gratitude instead of leading with Sorry, which focuses on the negative. Thank you for waiting for me. This acknowledges the other person’s patients and it’s a positive approach that sets a constructive tone for the rest of the interaction.

00:06:40:25 – 00:07:00:22
Speaker 1
Moving on to a scenario where you’re sympathizing someone shares a problem with you in your instinct is to say, hmm, I’m sorry to hear that. Instead, validate their feelings with that sounds really difficult. That shows empathy and understanding without assuming unnecessary, responsible for their distress.

00:07:00:22 – 00:07:24:26
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Now for those minor slip ups where sorry seems to slip out all too easily, amongst other things. Oh, that’s gross. Let’s say you make a small mistake. Maybe a spilled something instead of going, Oh, sorry, try. Let me fix that. Action over apology shows your solution oriented, which is often more appreciated than a simple apology.

00:07:24:26 – 00:07:48:20
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Now here’s the golden touch. It’s not just about the words you use. It’s how you say them. Your tone and body language are key in making these alternatives work. Confidence and sincerity are your best friends here. Maintain eye contact, keep your tone sincere, and use affirmative nods. It’s about communicate. I’m present and engaged in this interaction rather than I’m a burden.

00:07:48:23 – 00:08:04:18
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These subtle, yet powerful switches in your communication aren’t just vocabulary replacements. Their perspective shifts by focusing on each interactions positive affirming aspect, you’re fostering a more constructive, empathetic and confident communication style.

00:08:04:18 – 00:08:26:14
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Remember, it’s a journey. You don’t have to get it perfect from the get go. The goal is to become more mindful of our language and to practice positivity. As we wrap up, I challenge you to try these out today. You’ll be surprised how a simple switch can flip the script on your interactions. Hey, and I’d like to hear about your progress or thoughts in the comments below.

00:08:26:20 – 00:08:37:19
Speaker 1
And don’t forget to hit that subscribe button for more engaging communication videos that help you elevate your message and amplify your voice. Until next time, communicate with confidence.